If the Cross is to Save Marriage, Then the Resurrection is our Only Hope - Easter Reflection

Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

Sometime about three to four years into our marriage, I was contemplating the crosses in our marriage while driving home from work.  I worked at a small Catholic school and we had three children ages 3,2,1, and expecting our fourth. I was specifically meditating on Ephesians 5:25 which St. John Paul II expounds upon in his Theology of the Body:

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Christ died on the Cross for his beloved bride, the Church, and, as married couples, we are called mirror this image.  This is why only the Cross can save marriage.  As I drove home from work in the hot Texas heat, with no air conditioning in the car, I finally demanded from God I deserved a resurrection in my life.  If I am called to sacrifice my whole life for my family, and if I am called to carry the cross, then there must be a resurrection soon to come after the cross.  For without the resurrection, the cross of being a parent is devoid of all meaning. So I demanded from God an answer, while shaking my fist at him stuck in traffic saying, "Where is my resurrection, Lord?! I got the "dying to self" part down pretty well, but I know there is always a resurrection after the cross, where is mine? If you want me to keep "dying to myself" for my family, there better be a resurrection somewhere!"

I finally pulled into the driveway, and, like most husbands, I sat in the car for a few minutes, not wanting to go into the chaos in the house.  I opened the car door, let out a huge sigh, and walked to the door anticipating the anarchy.  I then opened the door and walked in.  As I walked in, my three children came running to me, gave me the biggest hugs, and said, "Daddy we are so glad you're home, we love you so much," along with my wife's most charming smile (I always melt when I see her smile).

As I was experiencing this moment, it was then the Holy Spirit convicted me in a loud voice saying within my conscience, "There is your resurrection!"

I dropped my head in humiliation, "Thank you Lord, thank you for these wonderful  little resurrections in my life."

The resurrection is about the kids, stupid, I realized in the midst of the hardness of my heart. I discovered the reward and fruit of my sacrifices no longer belonged to me but to my family.  When I was single, when I carried the cross and made sacrifices, I would reap the fruits of my own labor. I would receive the reward of my own sacrifices.  But now that I am married, this is no longer the case.  I no longer get to receive the reward of my sacrifices, but my children do.  The fruit of the resurrection no longer belongs to me, but now to my family. Case in point: Easter morning my children tear apart the house so they can have Easter candy for breakfast (don't worry, we make sure they have a healthy glass of milk with their morning breakfast candy).  In years past, I would turn to Mandy and say, "So let me get this straight, I spent the last 40 days fasting, and they get the candy? Where's my candy? They receive the reward of my sacrifices?".....Uh, yep that's pretty much how it works: Mandy and I go to work and they receive the fruits of the cross, which is food, shelter, clothing, etc. and most especially our love.  And why should I complain considering that Jesus has done infinitely more for Mandy and I, like giving us food, shelter, clothing, and most especially eternal life.

Of course Mandy and I have been able to receive the fruits of the resurrection through our parents, like our children do through us.   For years our parents did the same for us.  Both of our parents have emptied themselves, both emotionally and financially, to help us in our marriage especially when we were young.  They would "loan" us money, knowing full well we could never pay them back. They would give us advice and guidance when we needed it.  They would tell us to suck it up when times got tough. 

When Jesus died and rose from the dead, he did not keep the fruits of his Resurrection to himself, but rather it was to his spouse, the Church and her children, we the baptized, that received the undeserved fruits of eternal life from his resurrection

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (Eph 5:26)

Christ's children receive the rewards of his Resurrection which is eternal life in Baptism. If I am to be like Christ, then I can no longer cling to the rewards of my sufferings and sacrifices, but give them to my children and ask for nothing in return.  And I have to admit, this is very difficult in a self-adsorbed world.  What I find most mysterious, is that,  this  is the only way I can find true joy and genuine happiness. Just like our parents took joy in sacrificing for us, Mandy and I are called to do the same for our kids.  Since we are called to be images of Christ, we must remember that Christ's Resurrection was for us, his children. We too, as parents, must remember the joy of the resurrection that we receive from our sacrifice, is encountered through our children.

All this being said, sadly their are couples who are unable to experience this great joy, because of infertility.  They are willing to carry the cross, but are unable to experience the resurrection joy of having children, and in return this becomes a cross in and of itself.  However, I firmly believe  there is a resurrection somewhere for them, sometimes it's just more hidden to them, like Jesus hiding from the disciples when they first saw the empty tomb. Sometimes it may mean searching for this new life, through adoption, Napro Technology, or clinics like WholeLife Authentic Care.  Other times, couples are never able to have children, no matter how hard they search, but they can have many spiritual children by praying for the the unborn and praying for salvation of children's souls, which the devil is so quick to snatch away from God. The good news, is that, if these couples are willing to persevere in carrying the cross of Christ and his Church's teachings, hopefully they will have the opportunity to experience the resurrection joy in a profound way in the next life, Heaven, with all of their spiritual children that they prayed and suffered for.