The Long Road Home: The Three Temptations for Parents

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As we begin this Lenten season, the first Sunday readings focus on Jesus' temptation in the desert.  The first temptation is changing a rock into bread so Jesus can feed himself.  The second temptation is receiving all the kingdoms of the world if He decides to bow down to Satan himself. The third is throwing Himself off the temple where angels will catch Him, thereby preventing Him from harm. In Chapter 3 of Fulton Sheen's The Life of Christ, (Doubleday, 1990) he expounds upon these three temptations and labels them as the "Three Shortcuts from the Cross."  He makes the point that these three temptations of Christ were alternatives to saving humanity without the Cross. Christ, of course, overcomes these temptations and begins his long road to Calvary to truly save humanity.  As parent I have to admit, I often give into these temptations of taking a shortcut towards holiness as opposed to carrying those crosses that will truly make me holy.

The First Temptation

The first temptation for Christ was to take easy way out by performing a miracle by changing a rock into bread.  We see later on in the scriptures that Jesus does indeed do a miracle with bread, by multiplying the loaves and the fishes, but not for Himself.  In the multiplication of the loaves and fishes Jesus provides the crowds with their material needs.  However Jesus did not come to simply provide for us our material needs.  He did not come to earth to simply fill our stomachs, if that were so, he would have been a shallow messiah:

The first temptation of Our Blessed Lord was to become a kind of social reformer, and to give bread to the multitudes in the wilderness who could find nothing there but stones.  The vision of social amelioration without spiritual regeneration has constituted a temptation to which many important men in history have succumb to completely.  But to Him, this would not be an adequate service to the Father; there are deeper needs in man than crushed wheat; and there are greater joys than a full stomach (Sheen 64)

Jesus' response to the devil was, "man cannot leave on bread alone but he lives on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Mt 4:4) man is not simply a material creature that needs to be fed to be happy, rather, man yearns for something much more, he yearns for have his spiritual needs fed, that is, he yearns to be redeemed.

I have to admit, being a father I have given into this temptations many times.  I often view myself as a person whose job it is to to put food on the table, clothes on my kids backs, and a roof over their heads. I view it as my duty and responsibility, as a father, to simply provide for my children's material needs, that and nothing more.  This becomes my own, "shortcut from the cross." Meaning, as long as I provide for the material needs of my children nothing more is to be expected of me.

This shortcut of only providing for their material needs is so much easier than providing for their spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs.  It is so much easier for them to be immersed in their cell phones, than it is for me to have a meaningful conversation.  And I am convicted that many parents take this shortcut.  Our children yearn for interaction, they yearn for meaningful conversation, they yearn to be challenged.  Now that I am working a new job, I usually get home between 7:30 and 8:00 in the evening.  I am tired and exhausted. All I want to do is eat dinner and "check out". However, my son Josh, who is a freshman in high school has been waiting all day to talk to me.   I am now called to carry my cross for the sake of his salvation and mine, and muster up every once of energy to engage in a meaningful spiritual conversation even though I have very little to say.  I do this because I love him, and because carrying the cross is not about ourselves, but about others.  The cross that I must bare is the understanding that I am called to give more to my children than just their material needs.

The Second Temptation

The second temptation deals with compromise.  The devil offered all the kingdoms of the world to Jesus if only He would bow down to him, a quid pro quo if you will.

The final assault took place on a mountaintop. It was the third attempt to divert Him from His Cross, this time by a plea of coexistence between good and evil.  He had come to establish a kingdom on earth by acting as the Lamb going to sacrifice.  Why could He not choose a much quicker way of establishing His kingdom, by striking up a treaty, which would give him all he desired, namely the world, but without the Cross? (Sheen 68)

Being a father I am the king of my castle (don't tell Mandy). But, am I humble king that serves my family in humility, or do I expect my family to serve me? If everyone in the house expects others to serve them, then no one is served and the family becomes isolated.  That is the irony of being a parent and a father: we are kings by right of our baptism who are called to be slaves.  Slaves do not have the authority to comprise they can only obey.  

Now that my children are becoming teenagers they are always wanting to compromise. This often ends failure.  Anytime I negotiate with my children no one wins.  My children end up falling into sin. Case in point, the cell phone.  Anytime we let Josh use his cell phone, his school grades always slip, actually more like plummet.  Anytime we make a deal with him on how he can earn his cell phone back, the compromise never works.   When we take this shortcut of comprise, the devil gives the appearance that this is a win-win situation when in reality it is a lose-lose consequence.

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This cross that we must bare as parents is the firm resolve to lead our children in living out the gospel message even if it means giving up success in their lives.  For what would it benefit a child if they should go to the best of schools, the best colleges, and become successful only to lose their souls. When everything is said and done, the only thing that matters is the salvation of their souls, and there is no compromise for this.  Yet, as parents we think we can send our kids to catechism classes, and catholic schools thinking that this is sufficient for their salvation, meanwhile spending the rest of the week pushing them to be successful in the world.  We teach our children to comprise our Catholic faith in order to get ahead in life.  We teach our children that so long as we get some oil slapped on our foreheads in Confirmation our salvation is complete. We can spend the rest of our lives pursuing the things of world, and when we have some spare time, we can then fit God into the picture.  We teach our children that they must suffer and study in order to get into a good college, but they should avoid suffering when it comes to the salvation of their souls. Sadly we have compromised children's catechesis towards being "fun" instead of being "salvific".  My, how we have taught our children to compromise!  Jesus loves us too much to comprise, and we should expect the same with our children. There are no comprises when it comes to carrying the cross!

The Third Temptation

The third temptation in the gospel of Luke is for Jesus to throw himself off temple, so that the crowds can see his divine powers and  they will automatically follow him.  In short, this temptation is the temptation of pragmatism. If Jesus was throws himself off the temple for all to see, everything would be resolved and everyone would believe.  This would seem to be much more practical than having to spend three years of teaching, and then dying on the Cross.

Satan was saying here, "Why take the long and tedious way to win mankind through the shedding of blood, the mounting of a Cross, through being despised and rejected, when you can take a shortcut by performing a prodigy...It is the spectacular that people want, not the Divine.  People are always bored! Relieve the monotony of their lives and stimulate their jaded spirits but leave their guilty consciences alone!" (Sheen 66)

Ah yes, as a parent do what is practical, not what is holy, that's the temptation! Do what your child desires, do not make them saints. The practical thing to do is to have them get involved in all sorts of activities, so they can learn how how to be social, they can learn life skills, they need to learn, they need to go to college, they deserve the best. The practical thing to remove every road block in their lives so that they do not have to suffer. The practical thing to do is to remove the crosses from their lives, but it is not the holy thing to do. Instead we should teach our children how to carry their crosses, and carry their crosses along with them, even though it is quite impractical, but so was Jesus dying on the Cross, that was not practical at all.

When my children come home and tell the me crosses they bare at school, the practical thing to do is tell them, "Its okay to give into peer pressure, its okay to hide your Catholic faith; you don't want to be religious zealot; its okay to accept everyone's belief and not have any convictions of your own. You have to be practical and learn to get along with everyone else, and accept everyone for who they are."  But this is not the holy thing to do.  Rather, the holy thing to do is teach them how to walk tightrope of charity, in not condemning others, but also not accepting what others believe based on  their opinions or emotions (and in high school, 95% of conversations are based on opinions or emotions).  As parents, we are to use the gift of counsel that we received from Confirmation, not give practical advice which will fix everything instantaneously, but we are to teach our children that there are no quick fixes when it comes to holiness. There are no "life hacks" in becoming a saint

The Tempted can become the Tempter to the Bride of Christ

With regards to the larger family, the Church, I often find myself becoming the tempter himself, accusing the Church of being impractical, which praise be God, it is! How often do we tempt Christ's Bride, the Church, to take shortcuts.  For example there are many complaints that the Church is too rich and should feed the poor.  That the purpose of the Church is social justice.  People often view the Church as an institution that is called to feed the poor's stomach's but not their souls.  Yes, the Church is called to have preferential treatment for the poor; however, the Church is also called to feed the souls of the poor, and poor souls, with the food of Christ, Himself, in the Sacraments.

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The second temptation, is reducing worship to the practical, that is seeing worship as series of pointless gestures, by simplifying things to the point that there is nothing left to the divine, but only the humanly practical.  The Mass is perfect is perfect, how many times do  we reduce the Divine Liturgy to the practicality of how many Eucharist Ministers we need to have to shorten the time of receiving communion.  It seems like every decision that needs to made, when comes to the Mass, is based on the practical not the sublime.  How many times do we leave mass early so we can avoid traffic, because that is the practical thing to do, a quick shortcut from the communion line to the car.

Finally the third temptation that we often tempt Mother Church with, is by asking her to comprise her teachings.  How many times have we said, "I will follow you Mother Church as long as you will comprise your teachings of human sexuality. Following you Mother Church is too hard, I want to take a shortcut and follow only those teachings that I am already following with ease.  I do not want to follow those hard teachings, I do not agree with those hard teachings on human sexuality because they are not practical. Let's compromise, if you, Mother Church, bow to my lustful desires, I will come to Mass once a week without complaint."  Christ does not want to, nor will he ever, bow to our desires. Rather he wants to transform our desires into a thirst for holiness that dwells within the human heart, to which we use the term piety.

Often when we hear the story of Jesus we often think of ourselves as Jesus, and blame the circumstances of our lives on the devil. Consequently, we take shortcuts to simplify our lives by being "practical", thinking that it will make us holier, when in reality it only makes us more wretched.  Perhaps we need to view ourselves as more as the devil tempting God to make our crosses lighter; tempting God to give us a shortcut through  the desert. This in fact may lead us to a deeper conversion this Lent. So how can you grow holier this Lent? Stop taking shortcuts and carry your cross!